James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James founded his own highly successful gay website and film label called FreshSX. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his experiences as a gay man who enjoys all aspects of love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor or therapist but his advice is like that of a close friend.

The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers featured in previous editions of the column.

Ask James

This Week - Boys that don't, Swallowing cum and First-timers

Marc writes: I've just met a gorgeous guy with a terrific body. He's really hung too. However all we do is me sucking him and he fucking me. He does not like to kiss, suck or get fucked. Even when it comes to touching and caressing each other, I am left begging for more. Can you tell me what can I do to make my new lover a tiger in bed?

James says: A lot of guys have predetermined ideas about sex and what they like and don't like. This can be based on past experiences and also their expectations.

A lot of problems like this come from people not talking enough to their partners about what they enjoy and what they want. By being open and talking more it becomes possible to try new things. And if you discuss it before you get to it, if you dont like what's happening you can stop without either of you feeling difficult.

At the moment your relationship with this guy is a bit one sided as he only wants to fuck you but won't participate in more intimate activities like kissing and sucking you. Try talking to him about this, and make sure that you both have the same expectations.

If it is because of some bad past experiences he has had then take it slow with him and enjoy discovering new things together and you will soon be kissing and sucking each other in the shower every morning.

Luke asks: I've just turned 18 and fairly new to sex. I seem to want to jack myself off all of the time. I am curious about the taste of sperm and wonder if it is alright for me to swallow my own. This seems to be my only choice as no-one knows I am gay, but if I did go with a guy would it also be ok to swallow his cum too?

James replies: Luke, when you're 18 it's fine to explore your own body and jack off all day. It's part of being young and horny, so enjoy!

If you want to find out what sperm tastes like then try tasting your own. It may be more fun to taste your pre-cum while wanking as before you cum you will be more sexually excited. And if you eat your own cum then its pretty safe!

If you go with another guy and you suck him off then you will be at risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases (STD's) and this includes HIV although research suggests that catching HIV from sucking and cum is pretty rare. If you also take his cum into your mouth then there can be an increased risk of catching STD's so if you are going to do it then the best advice would be to get it out of your mouth as quick as possible after he comes - spit or swallow - the choice its yours!

It is also a good idea not to brush your teeth before sucking as the saliva in your mouth can also help protect from STD's, so try mouthwash or gum.

Daniel wants to know: My boyfriend and I are planning to fuck for the first time ever, but I'm worried that it will hurt like hell. Are the rumours true that you might bleed or get swollen after and during anal sex? I want pleasure, not pain. I can't get it out of my head. What should I do?

James answers: The first time you have anal sex is always a big step and you should only do it when you both feel ready. How much it will hurt or feel uncomfortable will depend on how relaxed you are and also how big his dick is. The main factor is the thickness of his dick rather than the length, as it can take time to get used to having a thick cock inside you.

Make sure you use strong condoms, there is less risk of them splitting, and always use loads and loads of lube. The silicone based ones are really good as they last and are fine to use with condoms. Also really take your time and don't rush it. Try taking him inside and if it hurts then stop for a bit and try again.

You should also start by sitting on him. It makes it much easier for the bottom in this position as you are much more in control. Once you are there and comfortable with him inside you, you can go for it in all the other positions and fuck all night!!


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