James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James founded his own
highly successful gay website and DVD label called FreshSX. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his
experiences as a gay man who enjoys all aspects of love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor
or therapist but his advice is like that of a close friend. |
The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers
featured in previous editions of the column.
This Week - Wet Dreams, Virgin STIs and No cum do
Jeremy wakes up with this: James, I have had a strange experience. I woke up, but I couldn't really move much. I felt that my penis was erect and I felt something was about to happen and after a few seconds lots of sperm came out and my boxers and bedsheet were very wet. Is there something wrong because my friends have told me they have wet dreams while they were asleep, but I woke up before the sperm came out. I don't even remember having a dream about sex. Please help as I feel something may be wrong. I am very worried and concerned and I am too embarassed to ask my friends.
James says: Hi Jeremy. Well wet dreams are quite normal and we tend to have them a lot more when we are younger. You didn't mention your age, but if you are quite young (under 25) then that is absolutely understandable and totally normal.
It is possible to wake up and find that you have cum in your sleep - actually that is exactly what a wet dream is, so I wouldn't worry about it! The fact that you woke up and then came is also nothing to worry about. Some guys come before they wake - others after. It's totally normal.
Wet dreams are not something you can control - they are just part of your biological setup and as you get older they just go away. Don't be ashamed or worried - just enjoy the fact that you may well be a highly sexed guy who, when he is older, is going to have a really exciting and vibrant sex life. As I say, there's nothing to worry about. Just enjoy!
Jay has a first time question: Hi James. I was wondering. If my partner and I can get any STD or STI by having anal sex without protection. Both of us were virgins until we had sex with each other and we aren't sleeping around.
James replies: Hi Jay, well if neither of you have ever had any sexual encounter with anyone else at all then no it wouldn't be possible to get an STI.
Remember that STI's can come from kissing and sucking as well as fucking so it is a good idea to use condoms for anal sex just to be sure if either of you have ever been with anyone else. Of course, if you both want to have sex without condoms then you would both have to be 100% honest and faithful to each other and also go to an STD clinic and have the checks first, just to be sure.
We are talking 100% here. Not 99.9% and just the one occasion when either of you strayed. You are both gay men and you can only have a relationship of this nature if you trust each other 100%, with a total commitment.
It is important to remember that a lot of STD's can have no symptoms and you can be carrying them without even knowing, so regular checks are always advised! Don't take a chance unless both of you are absolutely sure you are entirely true to each other.
Billy cums up with this: I've been seeing this guy for quite a while now and everything between us just seems to click. At least until we get to the bedroom. We can't seem to make each other cum. I've never had this kind of problem before and apparently neither has he. Any tips?
James answers: Hi Billy ... well I guess it can happen sometimes that when guys are together they can't make each other cum but if you are both able to cum without a problem when you are with someone else or on your own then it would seem that you aren't the best together sexually!
It is something you can work at of course. It seems to me to be a mental block. Perhaps the two of you just fancy each other way too much and don't want to screw it up. Both of you just need to take it a bit more easy.
You can try and discuss what excites you both and what makes you cum more easily and try enjoying that aspect of sex when you are together. It is also important not to think about it too much, as worrying about your climax can be the worst thing for stopping you cuming!
If you relax and don't think about it, then it will almost certainly just happen - the more you think about it, the harder it can get! Both of you need to forget about the performance aspect of all of this - and then start to enjoy the experience of being together with one another.