For some reason, writes L.A.Vess, lesbians always find a reason to bring up their ex-girlfriends in conversations. I am no exception - I consider myself a pretty typical gay gal in every way.
My boss and I were just chatting the other day, and, of course, I brought up the ex. That was not unusual. Eventually, I got to the part where I walked in on her in bed with another woman. Usually I get an `ah` or an `oh` or a `that bitch` out of it. His reaction was, quite interestingly, different. He said, "Women do that, too?"

As the conversation went on, I realized that some gay men may just have a slightly distorted view of what us lesbians are really like.

Heather Juergensen and Jennifer Westfeldt star in the classic comedy about a lesbian relationship Kissing Jessica Stein.
Picture courtesy of Fox Searchlight.
Yes, my first ex-girlfriend cheated on me - many, many times. Believe it or not, I didn`t even protest at first. (I have engaged in several failed attempts to do the same.) However, when she ended up bringing a chick home to my bed - that was the last straw. It did not end pretty. In fact, it ended up in a knock-down, drag out fight; including fists and feet. You might say it was a bar brawl, without the bar.

Most gay men seem to have this view of lesbians as being sweet, romantic, loyal women who just don`t engage in the petty back-stabbing and bed-hopping of our gay brothers. Yeah, right. My boss isn`t the first gay guy to not understand how nasty, lewd and sexually inappropriate we can be.

Cruising also came up during this talk. Gay men are known for their bar-hopping and one night stands. Now, this is in many cases a stereotype - but frankly, the gay men I hang out with do seem to engage in more than their fare share of these activities. However, what they may not know is that us lesbians can be just as bad, if not worse.

I`ve had my fair share of bar cruising, too. Yes, I`ve picked up a chick at a bar, made out with her in the car, dumped her at her house and never called. I`ve also had the same done to me several times.

This lesbian has had sex at a service area in the back of an articulated truck and participated in threesomes, foursomes and public many-somes. (I have calmed down a bit in my older years.)

Women getting smashed on combinations of drinks and illicit substances is also a common site in the lesbian scene. We, too, engage in acts of public lewdness and are commonly found doing naughty things in toilets or car parks.

Sarah Waters much loved lesbian play was adapted by Laura Wade. Tipping The Velvet is available from Amazon.
One lesbian musician I know even has a `sugarmomma`, a much older woman whom she sleeps with in order to have money and get `pretty` things. She doesn`t love this woman, she just lets her support her in exchange for an occasional roll in the hay.

I am not saying all lesbians are like this; nor are all gay men. However, we do share more in common than perhaps we like to admit. Maybe us lesbians don`t want the reputation of only being interested in a chick`s assets rather than her `soul`. Sure, I think all of us girls would like to find that perfect romantic, loyal, sweet woman out there. In our hearts, maybe we would all like to be one of those women as well.

But in the mean time, some of us will keep staring at cuties, having one night stands and giving people we aren`t interested in the wrong phone number.

L. A. Vess currently is the content editor for www.Bluway.com in addition to writing regular features and columns for the site. She is also a member of the International Gay & Lesbian Journalists Association and a roving freelance writer.


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