Time to forget the fantasy footballers or the big name stars on your TV because it's all happening next door says OutUK's
Adrian Gillan, out for a neighbourly knock. It's our essential guide to the boy next door!
Sports Stars and Celebrities have always left me cold. I've just never been one to pin them up and
get all sticky. Their remote, self-adoring, fabricated and overpaid egos leave me
quite limp. Incidentally, the same goes for strangely anonymous models with their
equally sexless chiselled pouts all smeared with creams.
No. Give me the boy next door any day. I'll take him where he is as he's rushing
out the front or in the street or on the tube. I make a fanfare for this common
young man with cute scally looks and his blank cheeky-yet-moody face, still sweetly
holding on to the first blooms of youth. Laugh and I laugh with you; sulk and
I'll soothe you for sure.
Our Favourite BNDs Wayne & Aaron - Photo: OutUK
New stirrings explored behind closed doors, he sallies out onto neighbouring streets
by force of nature like some puppy tripping over his budding dick. And strangely
accessible, malleable whilst treading paths untried, wholesome with a twinkle that entices.
In his high-street labels - nothing fancy - baseball cap and jeans or trackies: he's ten a
penny and I'm in for a pound.
It's precisely the lack of model looks, exclusive labels and poncy airs that make
our ordinary, regular hero the raunch he is - nothing to distract from basic beauty
and raw appeal. Why strike a pose when such a natural?
And the clincher for the case is this and proof indeed of where the real horn lies:
celebrities have - in recent years, and responding to that small familiar screen
in every corner - fought to eschew their glamorous ways and mimic the guy across the way,
even though they were never in contention.
Just think of those men that in the past you may have craved for: the members of One Direction or Blue;
the sexy boys of the Premier League such as James Maddison or Jack Grealish;
American superstars like Cameron Monaghan or Adam Levine; or even our confirmed gay favourites -
Olly Alexander and Russell Tovey. With any of them we can only just marvel at the unlikely and the unobtainable.
You shouldn't allow yourself to be fooled or lulled: You're better
off by far going straight for the original - your very own homely star over the
road. Ah yes: the proverbial, fetishised and freshly Phallic Boy Next Door, so near
and yet so far - ironically elevated to the mythical and untouchable, yet still
made flesh in all his glorious forms but an arm's length away.
So shut your mag and tear that poster down. Turn off the telly and open your eyes
to what's on your own doorstep.
1. He's probably straight but may just stray.
2. Check his age to keep things legal.
3. He may prefer bikes & footie to boys & girls.
4. Don't rush in and look like a fool.
5. Be sensitive to his ma and pa.
6. Know how to take 'no' for an answer.
7. His sweetest smile may say 'fuck off'.
8. You may have to settle for 'look but not touch'.
9. Better to be friends than scare him away.
10. Don't worry: there's another lad over the road.