Aaron Lawrence is a 24 year old escort and porn star from New Jersey. He's also got a college degree in Psychology and is the author of The Male Escort's Handbook and Suburban Hustler both of which he published himself. Every fortnight in OutUK he answers your questions on being gay, sex and relationships and any other stuff you might want to ask. He says "My advice is based on my experiences in the sex industry, academia, and life. In no way am I a medical doctor, licensed psychologist, trained sex therapist, or God. Please read my advice with those limitations in mind".

Aaron 'sez: Hey, folks! My last column which goes out to loads of guys in the USA managed to confuse many readers with some decidedly British terminology. I have had so many questions from OutUK readers now the column's so big in the lands of her royal majesty (and I'm not talking Madonna). This means that all us Americans are going to have to get used to a few Britishisms and vice-versa, like...

- shagging (fucking)
- mate (friend)
- arse (ass)
- buggery (sodomy)
- active and passive (top and bottom)
- snogging (making out)

There'll be lots more, and I'll try to be more obvious what they mean when we get to them in the column. (If for no other reason than to avoid the dozen e-mails I received from the US asking what "shagging" meant).

So without further ado, read on!  Today's column awaits...

--Aaron

Aaron 'sez: Good suggestion! I'd much rather my dildos smell like a hot man than a not-so-hot piece of plastic. : )

Aaron 'sez: I'm not sure where you grabbed that 20% statistic from, as I've never seen anything in my experience to suggest that men can have hands-free orgasms anywhere that often. Either way though, getting off while having a dick inside you is an intense experience. Your suggestion may have been written for a no-handed orgasm, but it works great if you're beating your meat, too.

I especially like that last suggestion.  It reads more like a porn story, and made for a nice thrill while preparing today's column.

Aaron 'sez: Oops! I botched that one big time. Probably because I often say e-mail me, and have the words "e-mail me" as a link. When you transfer it to text-only, the link is lost.  As always, I can be e-mailed at aaron@outuk.com. Alternatively questions can be submitted anonymously using the form below.

Your advice on bottoming is absolutely true, by the way. Everyone will need to adjust your suggestions to the needs of their own body and sex lives, but in general you write words of wisdom.

Aaron 'sez: Your questions made me laugh.  You say you're shy about your body, ask how to fuck someone, and then ask how not to be shy. By the sounds of it your shyness is directly tied in with your lack of sexual experience, and would decrease if you started getting laid regularly and building up a sense of self-confidence.

Specifically, you get your cock up someone's ass by putting lube on it.  KY is the best-known lube and can be purchased from any drug store, but it isn't the best out there. Sex shops will often sell better ones, including ForePlay, Wet, Astroglide, and ID. There are lots of positions to fuck a guy in, but a good beginner position is to have him lie on his side, and you get behind him and slide your dick in. Safety dictates you should be wearing a condom during this, and practicality dictates you should first put lube on his ass and finger him a bit.

As far as getting over being shy about your body, remember that someone you go to bed with is there to see you too. Sure, you can always have sex in the dark, but he'll delight in seeing your body as much as you enjoy seeing his. You don't have to look perfect or flawless to have sex. Ugly people have sex every day! And besides, while you may look in the mirror and find yourself unattractive, someone else may think you're hot stuff.

Aaron 'sez: You do have a problem! First off, know that getting fucked for 30-40 minutes is above and beyond the call of duty unless you're bottoming in a professional porn movie. Sure, some guys like it that long, but the majority of bottoms wear out well before that point. So don't remotely feel bad saying you've had enough after 10 or 20 minutes. You're not a bad guy for doing so - you're human!

Since your current sex life is just hurting your butt, I recommend a new approach. Try getting him super hot and heavy before he begins fucking you.  If you've had to slow down your sucking or jacking to keep him from cumming, chances are he won't last nearly as long when he fucks you.

Review your lube situation as well. Some lubes, such as ForePlay, have a mild anesthetic in them. This is great if you're wearing a condom, because it won't affect him but it will deaden the nerves slightly in your butt. Meaning you can get fucked longer. If you bareback though, that's not the lube to use.  You certainly don't want him taking any longer to cum than he already needs. Test your lube to see if it contains a topical anesthetic by putting a bit on your tongue and lips. Leave it there for a minute or two, and if you feel slightly numb, then it's definitely not a good one for you two to use when barebacking. Drop the lube and buy a good one that passes the taste test.  : )

Another suggestion on lubes is to make sure you use lots of it. Part of the problem may be that the lube is drying out after while. He may spit on his dick to revitalize the lube, but after time it washes away. When it comes to getting fucked for long periods of time, you really can't use too much lube. So pour it on there every couple of minutes to keep that uncomfortable friction to a minimum. Oh, and don't bother using KY jelly.  It may be fine for sex in a pinch, but it doesn't make a good lube for long-term use.

Now consider your position. He may be fucking you in a position that feels great for a few minutes, but doesn't cut it for long-term use. Try changing positions and having him get into creative angles for fucking you.  You may find that some positions remove all of the discomfort you feel after half an hour.

In general though, remember that when your butt hurts, it's telling you that it's time to stop being fucked for a while. There's no dishonor in stopping, and your boyfriend should understand this. (If he doesn't fuck him with a dildo until he does). There's no law that says he has to cum from fucking you, and you may find that he'd be just as happy if he fucked you for ten minutes and then pulled out and beat off on you. Try sitting up with your legs intertwined in his and your crotches together.  Jack him off while he tells you a few of his sexual fantasies (even if you're not in them. Think of it as a noble sacrifice on your part to save your aching butt). A bit of creative experimentation and talking may not only save you from those long fuck sessions, it may bring you closer together for your efforts

Aaron 'sez: Ahhh, pornography.  Probably the most segregated job opportunity in America. When blacks are cast into movies they are often paid less than their white counterparts. There is definitely a stereotype of black sexuality as being very masculine, sometimes thuggish, and always with a big dick. I have, however, never heard of a blacks being relegated to the role of top. My cursory glance on the web found several movies where blacks were the bottom in during interracial sex. Did I find the rare ones, or is racism definitely at play here?  I'd very much like hearing thoughts from the audience out there.

As far as pricing goes, most companies release a tape and gradually let it go down in price as sales diminish.  A few companies like Falcon and Bel Ami prefer to keep their tapes always priced high, even when sales go down.  In that manner they will constantly be viewed as being the highest quality tapes out there, and not videos suitable for the budget rack in the back of your local store. Therefore Falcon videos are always going to be the most expensive in any store.

Keep in mind too that many gay buyers prefer buying their tapes by mail order, and not going into stores to buy them there. And when they do go into video stores, they often patronize only gay stores or those that are particularly friendly to gay audiences.  So while many straight stores have a few shelves of gay videos, they have to be priced lower because they don't have a particularly large gay clientele. The people that buy videos there are more likely to be experimenting with gay porn or simply do not have the money for expensive tapes, as the more dedicated gay porn connoisseurs would be more likely to take their business to a store that caters more to their desires.

Or more simply, "if you build it they will come." Your local store hasn't attempted to attract a particularly large volume of gay customers.  This may be a good or bad idea depending on the local market. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy though, because their lack of more expensive gay titles means those that like them are content to take their business elsewhere.

Aaron 'sez: I think you should go out and give someone a blowjob. Try going into a gay chatroom on America Online or use the chatroom or leave a message on OutUK's OutThere. Find someone that sounds like he might be attractive, then be honest about your desires and invite him over for some servicing.  Tell him that you're not sure if you want him to reciprocate or not, so you ask that he keep that in mind when he comes by. You'll certainly get some takers and it'll give you a lot of food for thought. You very well may be bisexual, but that's not something you need to worry about now. Start by getting this fixation sated for a day, and then deciding how you feel and if you want to continue sucking dick.

One more suggestion. Be sure to get his picture before he comes by. Guys like to lie about their age and stats online, and a recent picture will go a long way towards helping you find someone to your liking.

Aaron 'sez: Nope. It's not an advantage or a disadvantage for an escort to be circumcised. You can be attractive and sexy either way. The cleanliness issue isn't a big one for most people, as washing under the foreskin with soap and water can usually prevent most infections. Only if your foreskin is particularly restrictive would you want to consider a circumcision for medical reasons.

The attractiveness issue, however, is another one. Some guys like cut dicks.  Others like uncut ones. Still others have no preference at all.  Think of it much like your eye color.  Some people like blue eyes, some like brown, and some don't care.  So unless you feel loathing every time you look at your dick, you shouldn't worry about it.  I guarantee you that as the years go by you're going to have plenty of guys lining up to have sex with you and suck that dick of yours.

Aaron 'sez: Ooohhh, a straight question!  Or is it a lesbian question? It really makes no difference. I know a lot of guys who have a boyfriend with a great body, but who doesn't put out enough to suit their tastes. It's a classic dilemma, really.

Rule number one if you're not getting enough sex or attention is not to make your partner feel like you're pushing them. Sex is something that your partner has to want to do. Not something you can bargain or push them into.  All you will do is make them feel resentful, in which case they'll want to spend less time with you. Being moody, constantly calling the other person, and whining are definitely not helpful.

A much better idea is to make spending time with you more desirable. Come up with fun and romantic things to do together. Like a picnic lunch on a stream somewhere. Take a heavy blanket, a basket, food, and even a few flowers and a small vase. You're trying to impress, after all! (If you're alone you can even try to seduce her after lunch. With any luck you'll be going at it hot and heavy just ten minutes after dessert. Now aren't you glad you brought that big blanket?) If spending time with you is more enjoyable for the other person, they'll certainly want to be with you more often.

One other thought. When your partner doesn't spend as much time with you as you'd like, this can be a sign the relationship is on the way out. I spent a good two months throwing myself at an old boyfriend.  I badgered him like crazy for sex, attention, or any other scrap he was willing to contribute towards my own sense of worth. Eventually he up and left me. Moral of the story? She may be busy with work, out with other friends, or banging someone else. Keep your eyes open as you make yourself more fun to be around. And remember, no whining!

Aaron 'sez: Gaydar is an intuitive, sixth-sense like process that allows gay people to pick each other out no matter how straight they may appear. It is based mostly on familiarity and experience around other gay people, although it can vary somewhat from culture to culture.  For example, whenever I'm in Amsterdam I find my gaydar "jammed" among younger Europeans. My gaydar goes off everywhere I look because of the different fashions, styles, and mannerisms.

Gaydar can also be a more basic, common-sense sense. For example, watching someone's eyes at a party.  If they are checking out women in the room, they're straight. If they're lingering on the host's butt as he bends over to grab something on a low shelf, he may be gay.

You are smart in that you realized that while your friend may be looking at your butt, it may also be that you're hope is blinding you. Gaydar can easily be thrown out of whack when it comes to someone you have strong feelings for (whatever those strong feelings be).

In short? Keep your options open. Next time your friend's wife is out of town, invite him to drop by for a dinner. You never know what may happen.

Aaron 'sez: Can I help? Not really. I can provide advice, sure.  But the issues you are facing are well beyond my ability to cure with a few simple suggestions. Your immediate problem of having a lover that is mad at you is only temporary. Solving it does you no good unless you address the underlying issues: How both HIV and the passing of time has impacted your relationship.

For that, I suggest two things.  First, go find a therapist who is experienced in counselling gay couples. Your local gay newspaper or info line will be a great source of information. Second, look in the same places for a support group for partners of people with HIV as well as a couples group when one has HIV. Both groups will be exceedingly helpful for you, and will be able to give you lots of advice.

There are lots of options for you to find sex: have an anonymous fling, find a fuck buddy, or hire an escort, all of which can be done openly or secretly. Or you could end the relationship and start looking for someone else. (There's also murder, but I don't recommend that). What options you take are going to depend on the strength of the relationship between the two of you. And there is no right and wrong option here. True, some are healthier than others, but married men have had male lovers on the side for years and have remained married. You could do the same if that's your decision.

Whatever you do, don't just be inactive and do nothing.  That, too is a decision, and will only lead to further incidents like this one. Your situation isn't getting better, and inaction isn't going to help.

Aaron 'sez: I'm a fan of Wet Lube for condomless sex and ForePlay for sex with condoms.  Everyone has their own opinion though.  I've started polling a few friends for their favorites, and will conduct a larger poll on my website in the future. I'll keep you posted on the polling and the results.

Aaron 'sez: Honestly? You can't. The few directors who bother with scripts either write their own, or have a close friend do it.  No company takes on scripts from outside sources unless they also provide significant backing for the project, such as a unique location to film, stunningly attractive models, or large donations of cash. They are, however, open to letters with suggestions for future projects. Should you write one to a company, keep in mind that a well-written letter suggesting a theme or idea will be far more effective than sending them the entire script.

Aaron sez: I receive many submissions of questions I have already answered. Aaron's Advice is published every couple of weeks in OutUK and you can see my past OutUK columns in the OutBack archive.

Bedtime Reading

Aaron's bestseller which graphically reveals his businesslike approach to the world's oldest profession. Available at Amazon.

Aaron sez :
For more information about gay health, check out Dr. Goldstone's book, The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.

Suburban Hustler - Memoirs Of A HiTech Callboy is Aaron's first bestseller which has sold more than 200,000 copies at AmazonUK alone. Available here.