First Published: 4th April 2001
       This is an OutUK Archive Item and so some of the links and information may be out of date.

4th April 2001 - Rent Boys, Barebacking and Small Hard Dicks.
Aaron Lawrence is a 24 year old escort and porn star from New Jersey. He's also got a college degree in Psychology and is the author of The Male Escort's Handbook just published in the USA and Suburban Hustler available here in the UK. Every fortnight in OutUK he answers your questions on being gay, sex and relationships. And any other stuff you might want to ask. He says "My advice is based on my experiences in the sex industry, academia, and life. In no way am I a medical doctor, licensed psychologist, trained sex therapist, or God. Please read my advice with those limitations in mind".
Aaron 'sez: Hey, folks! Here's my latest column. I hope you find some useful answers. : )

From the Mailbag: In your latest sex advise column, you referred to home HIV testing. I used that system (bucal smear) a couple years ago and tested positive. I went to my physician at once and got blood drawn for the antibody test and for a viral load test. After two and one half weeks of serious introspection about my life style, I found to my great relief that I was negative. I reported to the private agency about the false positive and the nurse I talked to said that a very high percentage of the tests were false. You might want to check with the physician that you consult with to get his/her opinion.

Aaron 'sez: Any HIV test, whether a home test or one performed by a trained doctor or technician, is subject to incorrect results on occasion. While the home HIV tests can produce errors as you found, they have met with FDA approval, a strict set of requirements necessary for the test to be sold to the public. Any test showing a positive result regardless of how it is done should always be confirmed by another test. Similarly, negative results don't always mean you do not carry the AIDS virus. HIV-antibody tests are useful diagnostic tools. Very useful ones, actually. But they are not accurate 100% of the time.

Question: I am an 18 year old male and I have a penis question. My penis is very small. Three inches hard and even smaller soft. My question is why is it so little? Most of my friends have big and some have huge dicks and I walk around with a small one. Another question is why do I always get hard? No matter what I do, I seem to get hard. PLEASE help me. Signed, 18 Year-old in Need of Help

Aaron 'sez: Your dick is small because that's what you were dealt genetically. Unless, of course, you were smoking a lot of pot before you went through puberty. Marijuana can stunt your development in that case. While a three-inch dick may make you feel insecure, it isn't something that should make you feel bad. I have filmed guys who don't have big dicks in my videos before, and I'll continuing doing so in the future. Sexiness comes from within, not from what is between your legs.

As for getting hard, hehe! You're 18! That means at the sexual peak you will experience in your lifetime (15-21). So enjoy it while you still can. When you're 78 (or even 28 for that matter), your dick won't go up quite so easily.

Question: I made the mistake of picking up a rent boy a while back and taking him back to my place. Now he keeps showing up at all hours ringing the door bell etc. I've told him not to come back. But, once I gave him money just to get rid of him and I think he believes he's found an easy mark. I guess he has. I know, I know, I never should have taken him to my place and I never should have given him money. All I did is encourage him. Short of calling the police (which would be a little messy in terms of explaining how he knows me), any suggestions on getting him to leave me alone. I've read that stalking victims are advised to be firm and to not give the perpetrator any satisfying reaction. But, what makes a rent boy tick? What can I say or do to get the message through. I'm not too worried about my safety (note I say "too worried") because I've got a good security system and a private security service that patrols the house. I'm just concerned that he'll show up some night when I have guests and it will be hard to explain.

Aaron 'sez: Ahhh, the downside of hiring a rent boy. On occasion they go a bit nuts. This one sounds off-kilter, and no amount of pleading may get rid of him. Nor is paying him a good idea - as you realize he just comes back. Paying him will just make him come back more often. I wouldn't suggest calling the police either. While you could deny ever picking him up for prostitution, it would certainly not be a good idea.

I have trouble on occasions with a social stalker on the Internet. I suggest you try the same approach I use with him. I ignore him. Totally. Completely. Under no circumstances do I ever respond to him or even let him know I am receiving his notes. In this case you'd let him knock and ring your bell to his heart's content. But if he doesn't see a reaction and isn't getting anywhere, he'll eventually leave. This goes so far as not even turning on or off any other lights in the house when you know he is around. If he knows you are moving around your house, that's a reaction he has gotten out of you. Hopefully he'll get bored and leave and not come back.

One thing though. He may eventually try to break into your house/car. If he does that, don't even hesitate to call 911. The kid is probably on drugs and may be dangerous. I wouldn't tell the police all of the circumstances under which you met though. That could backfire and get you in trouble. If the police ask, you can say you picked him up on the street once. But I wouldn't say for sex or that money was involved. If the police ask "for what", just smile and say you'd prefer not to answer for legal reasons, and if they want to know they can speak to your lawyer. But don't be rude about it. You're covering your ass, not trying to piss off the police.

Also, I'd alert the private security service as to what is going on. If they are in the neighborhood, it may even be a good idea to have them come by and run off the kid. That would be a much better solution than having the cops show up. Good luck!

Question: I'm totally in the dark as to what the term "ISO" represents in questions asked in your advice column. Signed, Closeted

Aaron 'sez: Haha! Nothing terribly kinky, I'm afraid. ISO means "in search of". It's usually found in personal ads. Here's an example: "Chelsea Boy ISO same for narcissistic body worship sex sessions."

Question: I enjoy fucking, but I find it hard to get really excited, let alone cum, when doing it. I am circumcised and use the heavy duty condoms we're supposed to use for anal sex. It's also fair to say that my partner's ass, even after finger-foreplay, is tight. Sometimes I can hardly feel a thing when I am fucking him. Any suggestions? Signed, Nick

Aaron 'sez: Not everyone can cum from fucking, just as not everyone can cum from oral sex. It's just the way our bodies are wired. Although in your case it may have something to do with your situation. You might want to try a regular or ultra-thin condom. True, they have a slightly higher breakage rate, but you should be able to feel more. You can always pull out for a moment and make sure the condom hasn't broken before you cum.

As for his ass being tight, that probably isn't causing the problem. If anything it allows you to feel more. You may want to experiment with different positions. Some men prefer one position while others find they can cum better by doing it differently. There is no universal position I can recommend to try, although the standards (kneeling, lying on top of his stomach, or on his back with his legs in the air) are always worth experimenting with.

You may also want to try not cumming for a three or four days before you two get together. Not cumming for a few days will make you hornier and easier to cum. Also, try getting yourself hotter and closer to orgasm before you start fucking him. If you get yourself somewhat close before you fuck you may find that it works better for you. However do try to solve your dilemma, have fun!

Question: I am in a gay relationship, we are both disease free and monogamous - and I'm sure about this! Recently I heard that it is still possible to pick up infections through unprotected anal sex. Is this true and so should we be using condoms? What can we do if we don't want to use condoms to reduce any potential risks? Signed, Happy-but-careful.

Aaron 'sez: Yes, you can pick up some infections, but if both of you do not have any STDs than you will be fine for the most part. Some STDs, like urethritis (bladder infections), can be caused by many otherwise harmless bacteria. That particular infection is just caused by bacteria getting inside your urethra. You'll know you have it because you have a burning and painful feeling when you urinate. Fortunately it is not serious, and a visit to the doctor can easily take care of it. Infections like that are always a risk of any condomless sex. Similarly to how any time you accidentally cut yourself it may become infected.

In other words, if you two are both monogamous and do not have any STDs, feel free to ditch the condoms. You may get a routine infection in your urethra, but it's minor and is easily treatable. Urethral infections aren't necessarily from sex either, so you don't need to feel embarrassed if you ever need to see to your doctor.

Question: I see a lot of porn movies where the men cum a lot. When I cum, there really isn't too much. Is there something abnormal with that? Signed, Not Happy in New Haven

Aaron 'sez: No, not at all. Different people cum different amounts. Porn stars typically do not cum for three or four days before they blow their load on film. If you want to cum more, try doing the same.

Question: I have been with my partner now for 12 years. We love each other very much. As what happens with a lot of relationships like ours, the "sex department" has not been visited as much as it has in the early days. We seem to prefer jacking off separately. A friend has suggested bringing in a third party for one night and try a threesome. We are both open to this. Now my question is, what can I do to introduce it or to break the ice. Lets say, if I hire a professional, or find a friend to join in, what can I do to make everybody comfortable and at ease and slowly get down into business? Thanks in advance for answering my e-mail. Again, good luck with what you do.

Aaron 'sez: Like straight marriages, gay ones often slow down in the "sex department" as you so eloquently put it. Your threeway idea sounds like it might be a lot of fun. I'd suggest a professional rather than a friend though. Your friend may have his own agenda, but a good escort will put the needs of you two first. One way to break the ice is to sit and talk for a while, although I think a better option would be to hire the escort for two hours. Your lover gets the first thirty minutes in the bedroom with the escort, then you get half-an-hour, then all three of you two get together for an hour. The only rule is that neither of you are allowed to make the escort cum during the first hour, although both of you are welcome to. That way you won't wear him out for each other, and you all can share in his cumming together. Whether you play with a friend or an escort, be sure to be up front about your situation with him. And don't forget to pay attention to each other. As hot looking as you think the escort might be, remember that he is a catalyst to help you two get closer to each other. Lose sight of that goal and your experience might backfire on you.

Question: I've never been with a male before but always overpleasured any women I've been with. I'm more then curious and want to know what I'm missing out on and how to break-in to another man. Signed, Eight Inch in Aberdeen

Aaron 'sez: Overpleasured? You have me wondering what you meant by that. Having never been with a woman sexually, I can't say exactly what that is like. But I do know being with a man is very rewarding in just how alike we are. That we understand certain intrinsic parts of each other's psyche and sexuality. I suggest you give it a try being with another man. No amount of explaining will make sense until you hop in bed with one for a few hours.

Question: I am a 16 year-old uncut teen and I jack myself off all of the time. I am curious about the taste of sperm and wonder if it is alright for me to swallow my own. This seems to be my only choice as no-one knows I am gay. Signed, Uncut Teen

Aaron 'sez: While you can catch sexually-transmitted diseases from other people, it is 100% safe to taste your own cum. So if you want to taste your load, go for it. I suggest laying with your upper back on the floor, your feet on the bed, and your lower back in the air somewhere between. At that angle you may be able to shoot it right into your face when you blow.

Question: What are the relative risks of HIV-transmission in barebacking tops and bottoms? Signed, Confused Fucker

Aaron 'sez: Ever heard of Russian Roulette? It's when you load one bullet in a six-chamber revolver and spin the chambers. You point the barrel at your head and pull the trigger. If you win, then... well, no one bothers talking about just why you played the game in the first place. Losing is far more interesting than winning, and makes for a much stronger visual image.

Well, barebacking is an awful lot like Russian Roulette. Only this time there are ten or twenty chambers, perhaps a few more if you are the top. And instead of a bullet you get a host of medical bills, AIDS drugs with a number of unpleasant side effects, a more stressful sex life, unreturned phone calls from your prior friends who suddenly realized they have less in common with you than they previously thought, and the specter of a reduced life span and lingering death. People with HIV and AIDS are living longer than ever before, but no one ever claimed their lives were easy.

So what are the relative risks of transmitting HIV while barebacking? Dangerously high. The end result? Far worse.

 

Aaron sez: I receive many submissions of questions I have already answered. Aaron's Advice is published every couple of weeks in OutUK and you can see my past OutUK columns in the OutBack archive.

 

Bedtime Reading

Aaron's bestseller which graphically reveals his businesslike approach to the world's oldest profession. Available at Amazon.


Aaron sez :
For more information about gay health, check out Dr. Goldstone's book,
The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.

Suburban Hustler - Memoirs Of A HiTech Callboy is Aaron's first bestseller which has sold more than 200,000 copies at AmazonUK alone. Available here.

 

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