Aaron Lawrence is a 24 year old escort and porn star from New Jersey. He's also got a college degree in Psychology and is the author of The Male Escort's Handbook just published in the USA and Suburban Hustler available here in the UK. Every fortnight in OutUK he answers your questions on being gay, sex and relationships. And any other stuff you might want to ask. He says "My advice is based on my experiences in the sex industry, academia, and life. In no way am I a medical doctor, licensed psychologist, trained sex therapist, or God. Please read my advice with those limitations in mind".

Aaron 'sez: I think your disagreement with my response stems from his question. He specifically asked how he could have sex without causing any ripping or tearing. I answered his question and stopped there, but you looked a bit more deeply into the letter at possible but unstated complications.

Men with phimosis suffer both repeated and nasty infections along with reduced sexual sensitivity. Circumcision is medically advisable in this case and can easily be done by a doctor on an outpatient basis. While I don't want to jump the gun and suggest the poor lad doing anything drastic, he should keep an eye on the situation in the long-term.

Aaron 'sez: You're correct, but getting way off track. Herpetic whitlow affects young children and health providers, but not your average guy on the street. While technically you are correct, I was simplifying my answer because herpetic whitlow has nothing to do with sex and is not a sexually-transmitted disease.

Aaron 'sez: Youch! You have some seriously unresolved issues, pal. Just because people have a desire not to contract STDs doesn't mean you need to take your anger out on me. If you had sex with someone who you knew had herpes, syphilis, HIV, or any other STD, you would certainly take precautions to keep from contracting it. So drop the self-righteous crap about how the world is out to get you personally.

I stand by my chart I posted in my 13th September column. You will notice it says nothing about being rude or insensitive to people with STDs. What it does say is how to visually inspect your partners for them. Just because you see something doesn't mean the person is "bad" or that the relationship should be terminated. It just means the situation needs to be reassessed. A shot of penicillin, a dose of lice-killer, a condom, a dental dam, or a one-week break until sores heal may be all that is needed to solve the worst of the problem.

Aaron 'sez: I too have heard many people talk about uncut guys as being more sensitive, but have never been sure if it was truth or urban myth. An attempt to search for evidence on the web didn't help, either. Most neutral sites on the issue were designed for parents of infants and didn't address the issue of sexual sensitivity. Those sites that did address it tended to be advocacy sites against circumcision. I wasn't able to find any credible sites that were neutral on the issue and provided evidence either way.

About the time I was giving up with my search, I decided it really doesn't matter. Cut or uncut, most guys find their dicks are plenty sensitive during sex or masturbation. Even my own not-so sensitive dick more than makes me happy.

As for uncut guys being more horny, what ever gave you that idea? I have never heard of anyone claiming that circumcision has anything to do with sex drive.

Aaron 'sez: Are you bi? Only you can decide that for yourself. Do you want to have sex with certain types of women? Can you picture yourself being romantically involved in a woman? If so, you're probably bi. At least for now. No one ever said that sexual orientation is permanent and doesn't change over time. Even if you can't see yourself banging or dating a woman, perhaps you're a "Kinsey 1". Meaning you like guys the vast majority of the time, but have the occasional attractions to women as well. Lots of gay guys fall into that category.

As for my thoughts on the bi lifestyle, I think that it's fine for anyone who feels comfortable living that way. There are millions and millions of bisexual men and women in this country. Who am I argue with their happiness?

Aaron 'sez: Absolutely bizarre? No. Stupid and dangerous, yes. Feeling up the wrong person can not only get you beaten up in the wrong situation, it could even result in arrest on sexual assault charges. To say nothing if you ever accidently cop a feel from a minor!

I really don't want to come across as being a total prude on here. When my entire dorm floor packed into an elevator in college (real stupid of us, I know) I made a point of copping a feel of the thigh of the hottest guy on my floor. It turned me on, and I got a major erection out of it. But to brush up against someone's crotch in a bus is very risky, and you need to be extremely care about what you're doing. Consider alternatives like feeling guys up in a sauna where it would be more permissible. If that doesn't do it for you and your urges are extremely strong, you may want to get into counseling before you wind up in a heap of trouble.

Aaron 'sez: I have been hired by a number of clients with disabilities. It's not an issue to me at all. Matter o' fact, my master's degree is in college administration with an emphasis in services for students with disabilities. So obviously that doesn't freak me out at all.

As for men viewing you as a sexual being, why not do what the rest of us do - work out and look your absolute best. I've seen some pretty sexy guys in wheelchairs before that I've wanted to bang. A hot one who keeps fit will obviously look better than one that is highly overweight. Admitted the nature of your spinal cord injury will affect your ability to exercise.

And don't forget that a woman with a wheelchair posed for Playboy a year or two ago. If she can be a sex symbol that way, why not you? : )

Here's another hint - come out of the closet and get out in the gay community to meet people. Being straight acting isn't a problem, but you're certainly not going to get a date if all you do is work and sit at home feeling lonely. Especially if you're not out at all.

The issue of you using in a wheelchair isn't half as significant as you might think. We all have our challenges in life. If you think for a moment you'll come up with a large list of challenges worse than your own (and I'm not talking disabilities, either). So don't let your chair get you down. Stick a rainbow flag on the back and get out there and meet people.

As a parting thought, I know there are modern saunas that are wheelchair accessible. If you get horny enough you may want to find one, take a friend out with you, and have a wild night of adventure. If nothing else it'll make one helluva article for Salon.com.

Aaron 'sez: Lot lizards? I love it! If you want to get laid with truckers the easiest thing to do is start cruising truck stops. Head on over to cruisingforsex.com and find out what rest areas on the highways in your area are cruisy. Picking up a trucker there is the same as picking up anyone else. Find one that interests you and look at him from a distance. Give him the eye and if he looks back at you, reach down and rub your crotch slightly. If he responds with interest then lead him to a secluded area, or let him lead you to one. Just remember that women pick up truckers by talking to them first. Gay guys do it much more discreetly and quietly.

One more hint for you. Make sure that there aren't any cops, rest area staff, gaybashers, or other undesirables around before you start cruising. You'd hate for your hot night out to end in disaster.

Aaron 'sez: Okay, folks. Here's Cockring 101 for you. Cockrings come in three basic types: leather, rubber, and metal. The leather ones have snaps on them that can be closed to form a circle the roughly the size of your wrist. The metal and rubber varieties are complete circles of varying size, and do not have snaps, breaks, or hinges. Properly worn they form a ring of sorts around your cock and balls, hence the name cockring. Leather cockrings are easier to put on and remove, but do tend to pinch a bit more than metal ones.

Purchasing a cockring is easy as lots of stores and online shops sell them. Leather generally come in one size, although metal and rubber ones vary from about 1.5" to 2" in diameter. To determine what size is right for you, take a piece of string and wrap it around your cock and balls. Pull it somewhat tight, but not so tight that it is uncomfortable. You should also be able to slide at least one finger under it without too much resistance. You can either compare the size of the string in a store to the cockring to see which is right for you. Or if you are more mathematically inclined, divide the length of the string by 3.141. That answer should be almost exactly the diameter of the ring that you want to buy. (Seriously! As your ol' geometry teacher if you doubt me.)

The basic purpose of a cockring is to partially block the bloodflow to and from your dick. In doing so men experience more difficulty obtaining an erection, but when they have one, the erection stays hard longer. Some leather cockrings are also connected to a ball stretcher or other device that provides additional restraint or sensation. Those are a bit less common and more advanced though, so we'll not worry about them here.

To put on a leather cockring, stand or sit up, get yourself a good erection, then snap the strap around your cock and balls. If you have a lot of pubic hair you may want to pull it out of the way of the cockring, otherwise it may start pulling after a few minutes. You may also find it comfortable to pull the skin on their balls farther through the cockring as well. Doing so prevents pinching as you move around. Having your partner put a cockring on you can be a great part of sexual foreplay.

Unlike leather cockrings, metal and rubber ones are worn before you become erect. To put one on, put the ring up against your balls. Slowly pull the ballsack and both testicles through the ring. Once it is through tuck your cock through whatever space remains. This should take a small amount of effort but should not be too difficult. If you have to really work at it the ring is probably too small. And too small is not a good idea when it comes to metal cockrings.

Sooner or later you'll want to remove your cockring. Leather ones are easily removed by unsnapping the ring. Metal and rubber ones have to be removed once you lose your erection. Take them off by sliding your dick back through then sliding out your balls. You may even be able to slide your balls out first, but that is often very uncomfortable.

Cockrings are safe provided you take two precautions. First, remember that they are only meant to partially block the bloodflow to your dick, not completely block it. You should always be able to slide a finger under the cockring with little difficulty. Second, never use Viagra or illegal drugs in conjunction with metal and rubber cockrings. Some drugs cause sustained erections that can make the rings extremely difficult to remove. In the case of metal cockrings you may even find yourself in an emergency room so they can cut through the ring with a metal saw.

Aaron 'sez: I think your advice is simple when you look back at your problems. You're worried about being interrupted, bothered by insects, and feeling exposed in a strange place. No wonder you're having trouble getting hard. Fortunately, if you solve these problems your erection difficulties will solve themselves.

The first challenge is that you are nervous that a non-cruiser may interrupt you. Or worse yet, that a cop may appear out of nowhere. You can relax a bit by spending a few afternoons exploring your new cruisy park and becoming more familiar with the patterns of people flowing into and out of the area. Look for times of the day or areas of the park to avoid because of too many non-cruisers. Keep your eyes open for escape routes or hiding places in case something goes wrong and you need to make a run for it. As you become more comfortable with the environment you will become more at ease.

The insect problem is even easier to solve by using bug spray or cruising on days when the wind will keep bugs out of the air.

As for feeling exposed when undressed in the park, don't take all of your clothes off. Lots of outdoor cruisers keep their clothes on. Wear clothes too that are easily pulled down and up, such as a sweatshirt and sweatpants. Wear the right outfit and you won't need underwear or a t-shirt, either. Less clothes to keep track of means less to put back on in case something goes wrong. Or less to pull up, in the case of your pants around your knees.

Whatever you do, keep an eye on cruisingforsex.com. They often post alerts about cops patrolling and arresting people in certain parks. Keep an eye on the township's local paper, too. The police report may provide you with the warning you need to lie low and avoid arrest. Oh, and play safe, okay? It's not always easy to do that in a park.

Aaron 'sez: A "Prince Albert" is a piercing through the head of your dick. It is often a ring that comes out the urethra, but can be a barbell that pierces out both ends of the head. While some people say the piercing increases sexual stimulation, the effects appear to be as much psychological as physical.

The legalities surrounding piercing vary according to where you live, but in general only trained and experienced piercer should perform the procedure. If your community requires licenses, you should only perform the procedure with a licensed piercer. However the legalities, the piercer should also use only sterile equipment and should be able to discuss scarring, allergic reactions, infection, and the healing process. Professional piercers should be able to advise you of the proper metals to use for your new piercing. The wrong metal, such as silver, can result in nearby skin permanently turning gray. There are lots more pitfalls a trained and experienced piercer can help you avoid.

The procedure itself is fairly simple and involves the fitting of a receiving tube, the actual piercing, and then sliding the ring into the hole. It is highly uncomfortable but the pain of the actual piercing is more like a sudden pinprick than a long sensation. In many ways the pain is more psychological than physical, although it certainly isn't enjoyable by any means.

Aftercare from a piercing can vary somewhat, but may involve dipping the piercing into a saline solution several times each day. It may also involved applying an antiseptic and lavender oil. You will also need to abstain from sexual activity for several days to several weeks, and wear a condom during sex for at least the first month even with a monogamous partner. Some piercers also recommend avoiding excess use of alcohol, coffee, and tea during the initial healing process, as it affects your urine and can hamper the healing process.

One more note. If you believe you are having any undesirable consequences at any time during the healing process, you should immediately contact your doctor. Complications of piercings can become very serious and are always unpleasant. Because many doctors are not trained in the specific complications that can result form a piercing, you may want to ask a local piercer for a knowledgeable referral. But even if you can't find one, basic medical attention is almost always better than none.

For more information I suggest the Piercing FAQ .

Aaron 'sez: I love it. You've got a girlfriend who almost certainly doesn't know about your affair with your best friend, and then you have the nerve to get mad when he cheats on you? What goes around comes around, pal.

But lecture aside. I'll bet five bucks that you haven't been using condoms when you fuck your ex-lover or your girlfriend. That would explain why you're having such an easy time getting hard with them but not with other people. Switch condoms, change positions, or try Viagra to solve that. If condoms use isn't the case, then perhaps you're having troubles because your dick only likes to get hard if you are very familiar and comfortable with the person you're seeing. Either way, you may want to focus on developing more serious relationships rather than screwing around with the various guys you meet.

As for throwing out the old lover's ghost, why are you even bothering to ask? You sleep with him every time he decides being fucked is more important than being "a man." If you want to get over him, stop banging him. If you're still pining for him after six months then write to me again and we'll talk.

Aaron 'sez: Gay porn doesn't bother testing for STDs. Most gay porn simply requires condoms for anal sex and doesn't allow you to cum in someone's mouth. Gay porn that ignores that assumes the actors are already HIV-positive or are aware of the risks.

Straight porn, on the other hand, often requires HIV tests within several weeks prior to filming. A clean bill of health means they can appear in the movie. Much of straight porn ignores this though, in which case they either use condoms or are done at the actors' own risk.

And yes, there are many gay porn stars that are HIV-positive. Few admit it though, and most try to hide it from the general public. Cole Tucker is one of the few who do admit it. There are others, but not very many of them. And none that I was able to come up with off the top of my head or a cursory web search.

Aaron sez: I receive many submissions of questions I have already answered. Aaron's Advice is published every couple of weeks in OutUK and you can see my past OutUK columns in the OutBack archive.

Bedtime Reading

Aaron's bestseller which graphically reveals his businesslike approach to the world's oldest profession. Available at Amazon.

Aaron sez :
For more information about gay health, check out Dr. Goldstone's book, The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.

Suburban Hustler - Memoirs Of A HiTech Callboy is Aaron's first bestseller which has sold more than 200,000 copies at AmazonUK alone. Available here.