Aaron Lawrence is a 24 year old escort and porn star from New Jersey. He's also got a college degree in Psychology and is the author of The Male Escort's Handbook just published in the USA and Suburban Hustler available here in the UK. Every fortnight in OutUK he answers your questions on being gay, sex and relationships. And any other stuff you might want to ask. He says "My advice is based on my experiences in the sex industry, academia, and life. In no way am I a medical doctor, licensed psychologist, trained sex therapist, or God. Please read my advice with those limitations in mind".

Aaron 'sez: Yes, venereal warts are a form of sexually transmitted disease. They are also known as genital warts or anal warts. They are pass from skin-to-skin contact with the affected area of an infected person. Unfortunately it isn't always obvious, so you can easily contract them from someone who shows no obvious symptoms.

Many tops have been similarly perplexed, wondering just how they contracted warts inside their anus when they have never been fucked. Actually it's quiet easy. For starters, in your 53 years you have probably at least had someone rub his dick up against your asshole. That's enough to expose the outside of your anus to warts. Then every time you wipe your ass with a piece of toilet paper, you are spreading the virus around the area as well. If you ever fingered yourself, put a suppository in your ass, or did any other anal contact, you could have been passing it along that way as well. Indeed, even your doctor may have inadvertently been doing so when giving you a rectal examination. Warts can be spread fairly easily.

Fortunately your doctor noticed you had them and removed the warts. You may want to give your doctor a call and ask if he ever gave you any sort of anal Pap smear. Anal warts are directly linked to precancerous cells for rectal cancer. Just as women have yearly Pap smears for cervical cancer, gay men need to be tested every three years for anal cancer (every year if you are HIV+). Tune into gayhealth.com for more information on the subject.

Aaron 'sez: Hang in there, friend. I have plans to write an entire book on gay sex one of these days, but these things take time. Not to mention a lot of paper! If you think this week's column is large, wait until you see the chapter I plan to write on the subject.

But seriously, I printed your letter because I found your conclusions interesting. I disagree about the importance of douching, but I like your comment on lubricant. And your comment about having a lover that gets hard, turns you on, and knows what he is doing. If only there was a way we could make sure we had that sort of guy around the house!

Anyway, you asked what makes the initial penetration not hurt. In my experience it is a combination of anal foreplay, more anal foreplay, still more anal foreplay, then having your partner make several slow attempts to penetrate you. Each time your sphincter tightens up, he should pull out for a moment while your muscles relax. After the third or fourth try he should be able to slide right in. It will still feel big, but it shouldn't hurt after that point. If it still feels uncomfortable, go back to the foreplay stage and consider whether you really want to be fucked right now.

Aaron 'sez: You're right. Porn is obsessed with showing the cumshots to the camera. Even when condoms weren't used it was still the norm. Some straight porn is creative enough to show off "cream pies" where cum runs out of a woman's vagina or anus. That's unsafe and is taboo right now in gay porn, but perhaps in another ten or twenty years gay porn will be creative enough to do this.

Incidentally, you're also right that most porn stars can't cum from fucking. In their personal lives they certainly can. But after filming a sex scene for five or six hours they become exhausted and have difficult cumming any other way than jacking off. Gay porn stars are also cast for their ability to last for a long time without cumming, too. This is helpful when it comes to not cumming prematurely, but is a bitch if you want them to cum at the end of a long shoot (pun intended).

Aaron 'sez: Sorry, but there aren't any magic solutions to help numb your anus. I'm told some illegal drugs help, but you'd have to be insane to start taking them just so you can get fucked by bigger dicks. If at some point you decide that your lover's dick and your butt aren't a perfect match, stop trying to be a bottom for him. Let him fuck you with smaller dildos, and learn other ways to pleasure him. Most couples can work around the issue with little or no problem. If topping in a relationship is more important to him than you are, he's probably not the right guy for you in any case.

Aaron 'sez: In my column I am routinely asked three questions. The first two are "How can I make my dick bigger?" and "How do I have anal sex without making a mess?". All six of these questions are asking me a third one, "How do I get fucked without it hurting?" So without further ado, here is my response.

Step One: Find a good top. That means someone you are attracted to, someone you are comfortable being with, and ideally someone that is skilled at being a gentle top. Having lots of experience isn't required, but having the right attitude and style in bed is.

Step Two: Fuck yourself with several dildos, both smaller, equal, and slightly larger in size than your top's dick. Spend several sessions penetrating yourself with them. If you can relax enough to take one slightly larger than your dick, you probably can take him.

Step Three: Have your lover play with your ass with lube and his fingers. Have him spend a long time really working over your ass. If you are really relaxed and comfortable, the feeling should be pleasurable.

Step Four: Have your lover fuck you with the dildos from step two. Tell him what they feel like and when they begin feeling uncomfortable. Your lover needs to learn how to read your reactions. Fucking you with toys can be a good way to do this.

Step Five. Lay on your side and have your lover lay on his side behind you. He can slowly slide his dick into you. Side-by-side fucking is a great position for beginners. Your lover should keep in mind that he is fucking you to help you be comfortable with the feelings, not so he can shoot a hot load in your ass. Over several sessions if you become comfortable with being fucked he can gradually start adding his own needs to the mixture.

Give that plan a try and see if it helps!

Aaron 'sez: In a previous question I addressed a fellow with a thick dick that wanted to fuck his lover. Now we have the reverse - guys that want to take their lover's unusually large dick. It ain't easy, but it can be fun. If the two of you are willing to work together through this, that is. As with most sexual challenges, working together is far more likely to result in success than if one partner tries to solve the problem on his own.

Before you start working yourself up to being fucked by a big dick, you should keep in mind that we all have our physical limits. There will come a time where a dick is simply too big or uncomfortable to take. Limits are not always set in stone, either. They are flexible, and the bigger the dick, the less chance you have of the sex being completely rewarding for both partners. So don't go into a bottoming session with a huge dick expecting instant gratification. It can be a lot of fun, and I mean a LOT) of fun. But it can also be equally painful, uncomfortable, and unrewarding for both parties.

Know too that pain isn't necessarily bad. It is your body's way of saying something isn't right. If you can relax you muscles, change your position, or otherwise solve the difficulty without resorting to using drugs, then your body should be fine and not subject to harm. As in the case here, being fucked by a big dick isn't going to seriously harm you as long as you are sober and respect your body's limits. This goes for being fucked by even huge dicks. As long as your body can do it without pain, you aren't harming yourself.

Of course, making the feeling not be painful is the challenge. If your partner has a huge dick and you are unsure of you ability to take it, the goal is not to be fucked wildly. The goal isn't even for him to be able to cream inside you. The goal here is for you to see whether you can even be fucked by someone of that size without it hurting, and whether it can be pleasurable for you to do so. I don't care what size the dick is, if it doesn't feel good to be a bottom, you shouldn't be doing it.

So talk this over with your lover, and when he is ready to help you learn whether you can take it, have him climb into bed with you and begin playing with your ass. He can rim you, put lots of lube on you, and generally slide his fingers in and out of you. Have him do this while he sucks on your dick, licks your nipples, or whatever else drives you wild. Remember that you want to be as relaxed and excited as possible. If you are nervous, tense, or unsure of yourself then you should not even try to proceed.

Once you are ready to begin, try having him fuck you in the side-by-side ("spoon") position. It's a good position for beginners. Don't focus on him pumping his dick in and out of you. Just concentrate on how much of his dick you can take inside you. And don't worry that it takes you several tries before he can go more than an inch or two. An immediate burst of discomfort or pain is common at first. After three or four attempts to enter you the pain should fade away into a rather pleasant feeling of being filled by a huge cock.

Once he is completely in you, just relax and enjoy the feeling. Try having your partner roll onto his back with his cock still inside you. This will pull your lower body over him. Even before he begins to pump, try jacking off in this position. He can either masturbate you or you can do it yourself while his hands touch your body. As you get excited and closer to your orgasm, he can begin pumping you a bit.

Remember that the goal here isn't for him to cum inside you. It is for you to discover if you can be fucked without it hurting. If you have made it this far, you will probably be able to cum while he is inside you. Go ahead - blow your load and enjoy it. Then let him slide out and take care of himself, or wait until you are ready to help him get off. You will probably feel the need to use the bathroom for a few minutes. That's quite all right, and you should do whatever your body needs.

In a few days try this exercise again. As you two become more experienced with anal sex, you will be able to incorporate more and more of the top's desires to fuck into the encounter. Eventually you will be confident enough to shift into new positions. Keep in mind that each one will require that you readjust to the new feelings. Just because he was banging your brains out in one position doesn't mean it won't hurt immensely in another. Go slowly and let your body discover it's own pace.

At some point you will invariably discover your limits. That's fine - we all have them. Once you realize your limit, don't be afraid to assert them. There are plenty of other things you can do in bed together. The important thing is that you always respect the limits of your partner, and that you always strive to work around them to have the most enjoyable time possible.

One final note. After being fucked by a big dick (or even a small one for that matter), you may notice a few traces of blood on you. Don't worry about it - this is fairly common after being fucked. As long as you aren't seeing large amounts of blood you should be fine. If the traces of blood are still there after four days, then you should go see your doctor to make sure everything is fine. Usually the traces will vanish within a few hours.

There's always more to learn about sex, but that should be enough to get you started. Have fun and good luck!

Aaron 'sez: You're in luck. Unless you get fucked within a day or so of going for a rectal exam, your doctor will have no idea you have ever been fucked. Your sphincter loosens itself up for a while after being fucked, but tightens itself up fairly rapidly. It works the other way around, too. Your doctor can't tell if you are still an anal virgin or not, too. There are no obvious signs that someone has ever had anal sex other than having a mailing address in Canal Street, Manchester  or the Castro district of San Francisco.

Aaron sez: I receive many submissions of questions I have already answered. Aaron's Advice is published every couple of weeks in OutUK and you can see my past OutUK columns in the OutBack archive.

Bedtime Reading

Aaron's bestseller which graphically reveals his businesslike approach to the world's oldest profession. Available at Amazon.

Aaron sez :
For more information about gay health, check out Dr. Goldstone's book, The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.

Suburban Hustler - Memoirs Of A HiTech Callboy is Aaron's first bestseller which has sold more than 200,000 copies at AmazonUK alone. Available here.