Aaron Lawrence is a 24 year old escort and porn star from New Jersey. He's also got a college degree in Psychology and is the author of The Male Escort's Handbook just published in the USA and Suburban Hustler available here in the UK. Every fortnight in OutUK he answers your questions on being gay, sex and relationships. And any other stuff you might want to ask. He says "My advice is based on my experiences in the sex industry, academia, and life. In no way am I a medical doctor, licensed psychologist, trained sex therapist, or God. Please read my advice with those limitations in mind".

Aaron 'sez: Back in school, I used to joke with a friend about not wanting to date any man that has anything less than "a healthy ten." In reality though, ten-inchers are few and far between. What you see in porn movies is not the national average, either. Remember the smallest dicks in porn movies are right around the 50% mark for males, so the average dick in porn is far beyond the national average.

Back in the 1940's, Dr. Kinsey (the guy that came up with the Kinsey scale of sexual orientation) had fun measuring men's dicks to get a national average. Dr. Goldstone referred to the findings in his book, that 95% of men's dicks are between 4.9 and 7.3 inches. So if you're in there, you're totally normal. From a medical perspective, only a dick below than 4 inches is anything to be concerned about. And even then, often losing weight will result in the guy's stomach receding and him gaining an extra inch or two.

Aaron 'sez: Only if you do it wrong. Or if you're a paraplegic and have no nerve endings beneath the waist, and can't tell if anal sex is painful or not. As a general rule, if it hurts, stop. As long as you follow that rule, you should be fine.

Oh, don't think you can do anything stupid, either. It's one thing to have someone fuck you or to use a dildo on your ass. It's another thing to use a sharp object or a broomstick in your ass. Remember too that your nervous system becomes screwed up when you are under the influence of alcohol and other drugs. If you're high as a kite and decide to get fucked really hard, then you very well may be able to do some serious damage to yourself before you realize you are being injured.

Aaron 'sez: No need to go out and have lunch before you suck dick. Your stomach acids will do the job of killing HIV just fine. The real risk to your health if transmission in your mouth. Of course that's HIV we're speaking of. Other maladies, such as hepatitis and parasitic infections, will not be stopped by your stomach acids at all.

Aaron 'sez: Do you mean for HIV? Not at all unless you have any cuts or sores on your hand or dick. But mutual masturbation can pass along other diseases, such as genital warts, herpes, and even syphilis or gonorrhea. At some point, you have to accept there are risks in any sexual activity you do. But as far as putting yourself as risk goes, mutual masturbation is one of the safer activities you can do. Especially if you look over your partner's dick first to make sure there are no obvious sores, blisters, or the like. (See my handy chart on how to screen your partners for STDs in my last colum which you'll find here in OutUK's archive)

Aaron 'sez: I have never heard of a "how-to" video on sucking yourself, but fortunately there are lots of pictures on the web of guys doing that. My suggestion would be for you to collect a number of picture of people sucking themselves in various positions, then every day give yourself a mild stretching session towards those positions. Don't push yourself too much, as you don't want to throw your back out or otherwise injure yourself. But every day gently push yourself for sets of ten or twenty stretches, much like you did back in gym class in high school.

(A good place to start looking for those pictures is www.solosuck.com. As a fringe benefit, they have a little "how-to" article on their site for guys with hungry mouths like you. : )

Aaron 'sez: There are a lot of factors that go into how "forceful" your orgasm is, such as time since your last orgasm, the size of the hole on your dick, the length of your shaft, your position, how excited you are, and, of course, luck. Like you, I only shoot several inches. Yet I've found that if someone jacks me off, I spatter cum all over myself and the bed around me. Likewise, there are men who find that they shoot much further if they jack themselves off.

To increase the "force" of your orgasms, I have two suggestions. First, experiment with all of those factors. Learn what your body responds to, and what it does not. Practice what your body likes with a partner that excites you. You might be surprised how far you shoot.

The other thing you can do is to exercise your sphincter muscle. As you clench your ass, you may notice that your erect dick has a twitch. From everything I have read, this muscle can become stronger like any other. If you do three sets of twenty reps per day, over time the muscle will become stronger which will give you more powerful orgasms. I don't know if it will make your cum travel any further, but it certainly can't hurt.

Good luck and happy jacking!

Aaron 'sez: Most men have some hair on the shaft of their dick, although I'll admit you seem to have a bit more than most. Fortunately, it's not a problem. As you can tell, shaving your hair is one way to address the problem. You're correct that using a razor right before sex isn't a good idea. But if you use the beard trimmer on an electric razor, you can zoom right down the side of your dick leaving a 1/10" of stubble. That means your skin is not being irritated, and will therefore not put you at risk for any more STDs. It also removes the majority of your hair, thus solving the aesthetic problem.

You may also want to consider laser hair removal. There are plenty of places that offer the service. Just pick up your local gay newspaper or gay bar rag; often they have ads from services. Alternately, try doing a web search for laser hair removal in your area. You may find an option. It's expensive, but it's painless and it's effective.

Alternately, try using Nair or any other product that dissolves hair. Nair may not be safe to use on your genitals though, so be sure to read the fine print closely before using it. It has to be used often and is only marginally effective (I've tried it), but it's a painless option you can do in the comfort of your own home.

Aaron 'sez: Like you, most men can't have an orgasm without stimulating yourself. I've managed to do it once when I was 17, and came a hair away from doing it again last year. It sounds to me like your friend is one of a rare breed of men who can have "no-handed cumshots" on a regular basis. Tell him to enjoy himself, and to consider going into porn someday. One veteran porn director once told me that any good director would give a year off his life to capture a true no-handed cumshot on film. : )ave. You can at least have a traditional sex life, albeit a dry one. Not everyone receives that chance.

Aaron 'sez: When it comes to sex, women have the advantage over men that they can be multi-orgasmic without having to recharge first. Yet it has been documented that a few men are capable of having multiple orgasms without going through the normal refractory period.

It sounds like the two of you may be two such men. If so, count your blessings! One of you is rare enough, but for the two of you to get together is an extremely improbably event. So enjoy yourself and I hope you two have awesome sex for hours on end. You've got most every reader of this column jealous of you!

Aaron 'sez: Gaydar, the slang name for the ability to pick out fellow gay people, is most commonly developed by interacting with the local gay community for long periods of time. It involves looking at people's eyes, mannerisms, speech, and style of dress. It is often geographical in nature as well. I know every time I am in Europe my gaydar is "jammed," and I can't tell who is gay and who isn't.

If you'd like to develop your gaydar, get involved with your local gay community in numerous organizations. Compare notes with your gay friends who they think is gay and who isn't. It may not help in school. A lot of people try to hide their sexual orientation in potentially unfriendly situations. But it's a good start towards picking out cute gay guys from the chaff. : )

Aaron 'sez: Yes, trimming is different than shaving. Most people shave their facial hair - they use an electric or straight razor so they have no hair left on their chin at all. But when it comes to the hair on top of your head you typically have it trimmed, or partially cut.

Pubic and chest hair is the same way. Instead of shaving it all off, many people prefer to trim it partially down. In that way you still have the look of hair, but it's not unkempt and wildly out of control. I strongly recommend everyone trim at least every-other month, unless their partner(s) prefers massive bushes of hair.

Aaron 'sez: Yup, sounds like he enjoyed the sex but didn't want to continue. Cockrings are very tame sex toys, but some people still can't help but to think they're wild, kinky things. He may fall into that category, or perhaps he didn't want to have sex for some other reason totally unrelated to the incident. Either way, he's made it clear he isn't interested in continuing to have sex, and probably doesn't want to continue the friendship either. Shrug it off as a learning experience and move on.

Aaron 'sez: It's extremely easy to get so turned on that you may not want to use condoms for anal sex. Unfortunately, it's still risky for transmitting HIV and other STDs. You're quite correct, it's not as risky than being a bottom. But it is still risky, and you can bring home all sorts of nasty STDs.

If you're at all concerned about medical safety, you'll want to play it safe and use a condom every time you fuck. You're less likely to contract HIV from having lousy sex with someone as you use a condom. It's much more likely to happen when you're having incredibly awesome sex, and you skip the condom in the heat of the moment as you sink your dick into him. Remember that, and be sure to keep those trojans handy.

Aaron 'sez: Who said porn stars don't gag? They simply have the advantage of having a bad music soundtrack playing during the video. Not to mention the ability to edit out any "unsexual" sounds they make.

To be honest, you shouldn't worry about offending the receiving with gagging noises. A lot of men find it a big turnon. I've got some tips here, but otherwise the solution is simply not to take someone's cock quite as far in your throat. And not to worry when you gag a bit. Think of it as a compliment on the size of the guy being sucked. : )

If you want to know how to deep throat, think of a sword-swallower you might see on television. There are several tips you can learn from them.

First, not everyone is cut out to be swallow swords (or deep throat big dicks). Everyone's body is designed differently, and some people have a more intensive gag reflex than others. As much as you try, some of you simply won't be able to do it. Don't get upset, just accept it as a personal limitation. There are so many ways to excel in bed that you don't need to master them all.

Second, remember that sword-swallowers use rapiers, not broadswords. Meaning if you want to deep throat, you're going to have a lot more luck swallowing one that is thin. If you're trying to deep throat a dick as big as your wrist, you're going to have troubles. The same goes for the length of someone's dick. You're going to have a lot better chance of swallowing someone who is four inches rather than eight.

Third, one of the keys to deep throat is to get your neck at the correct angle.  Meaning with your head tilted back.  Whatever position you try to deep throat in, try to tilt your head back to this position.

Fourth, remember that half of deep throating is your partner's position. Kneeling in front of him while he stands is a great way to get your head tilted back. Taking the other extreme, it's difficult (although not impossible) to deep throat someone who is laying on his back. If your partner wants you to swallow him, make him work a little toward the goal by getting into a position that works for you.

Fifth, don't deep throat on a full stomach. That increases the gag reflex (and you'd hate to lose your lunch on him).

Sixth, try using a sore throat remedy that helps deaden the nerves in your throat. Some cough drops will have the same effect.

Finally, keep in mind that going all the way down isn't the objective of sex. You'll have some days that are better than others, and you'll find that some partners naturally slide down your throat. There isn't often a rhyme or reason as to why this happens, but enjoy it when it does. And if it doesn't?  Remember that deep throat sessions aren't always the most pleasurable - you may be able to make your partner whimper without going all the way down.

Aaron 'sez: My first question for you would be how long and how often are you jacking off? If it's hurting after just a few minutes of jacking off every few days, then there may be a problem. If you're jacking off for hours at a time, that may be the problem! Like any other part of your body, your dick can only receive so much stimulation before it begins to hurt.

How you masturbate may be an issue. Are you using lubricant? Lube eliminates the friction and will help prevent your dick from becoming sore. Also, try buying a few porn tapes of guys masturbating. Watch their techniques and see if you can learn from them. When I first started jacking off I used a style that constantly made the side of my cockhead raw, and sometimes even bleeding! Over time I learned a much better style of jacking off that didn't do any damage to myself.

If the problem persists no matter what you do, schedule an appointment with a urologist and talk to him. He may have some suggestions for you, and at the very least will be able to give you a check to make sure there are no medical conditions exacerbating the problem. You may also want to schedule an appointment to a sex therapist or highly skilled male escort. Both may be able to provide you with some additional insights into solving your issue.

Aaron sez: I receive many submissions of questions I have already answered. Aaron's Advice is published every couple of weeks in OutUK and you can see my past OutUK columns in the OutBack archive.

Bedtime Reading

Aaron's bestseller which graphically reveals his businesslike approach to the world's oldest profession. Available at Amazon.

Aaron sez :
For more information about gay health, check out Dr. Goldstone's book, The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.

Suburban Hustler - Memoirs Of A HiTech Callboy is Aaron's first bestseller which has sold more than 200,000 copies at AmazonUK alone. Available here.